I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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