I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize