Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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