Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
