i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
