I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
