he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i out mim tonsoeep
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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