call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will