were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want