when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.