He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
