I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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