Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
