omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize