$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
