anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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