had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
