i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
there is glitter all over my balls
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
