garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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