In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
