tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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