One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
