fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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