Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
