apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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