i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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