In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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