dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
