party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
