i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
