Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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