I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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