update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
