there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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