Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize