I'm jealous of your bromance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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