UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just invented taco cereal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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