last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
