I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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