I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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