Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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