i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
COCAINE IS GR8
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
