my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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