You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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