i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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