he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
