i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
