I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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