dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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