I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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