Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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