i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
