I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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