If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
