He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
