I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
