I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
