Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
