How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
