you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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