your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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