If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want nice things and good sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
